Living with someone who is suicidal?

[wildgoose]

I feel quite overcome as I am new to this site, just to read that you all know how it feels to live with this situation for years has been very moving. My daughter has been trying to take her life for 5 years and has been in and out of hospital since she was 16.
She is currently on section 3 in a hospital in essex which over 7 months has made her worse, the ward she is on is an example of NHS in crisis
I try to enjoy my life and know this is not my fault, I feel guilty when i enjoy myself.

[Anonymous]

Hi Wildgoose, I’m glad you’ve made contact, but sorry that you have the need to. I trust that you will feel that this is a safe place to share and be supported?
Living with the continual worry and fear of a loved one taking their life is an incredible strain and can be very isolating, or that’s my experience anyway. Accessing the best care seems to be a postcode lottery and I’m sorry to hear that your daughter is not doing well.
Whilst we worry for our loved ones, it is important that we look after ourselves and do what we can to enjoy life, so you really ought not feel guilty when you do things that boost you.
Do keep in contact, and although within this forum we’re scattered across the country, we can support one another through messages as best we can.
Shalom
Helen

[MikeScott]

Hi Wildgoose,

Just to say I agree entirely with Helen. Firstly you will be in no fit state to support you daughter if you get to down and to my mind a key way to avoid that is to appreciate the better times for both you and your daughter. My other strategy is to try and ensure my daughter gets the best support without crossing the line and inadvertently becoming her therapist, someone once told me that my (our) role is to simply be her parent. None of it is our fault, or the sufferer, we can only do our best each day.

Best wishes to you all.

Mike

[MikeScott]

Hi Helen,

Working with Papyrus sounds good.

I have some previous experience of leading a carer support group for Eating Disorders and would be happy to help.

I wonder if a telephone conference based session might be a cheap and simple starting point.

BFN Mike

[wildgoose]

Went out shopping today for my daughter today, she needs new summer light clothes in a larger size due to all the side effects of drug regime.
Has anyone else ever had to go shopping like this, not especially worried about price or colour, BUT it had to be non ligature !!
Most joggers were out as they are draw string, so were most pyjamas !
I got so over whelmed with sadness in Primark.
Anyhow if you are looking too, M & S do proper sewn in elastic waists
Its the stupid stuff that gets me.

[Anonymous]

Hi Mike,

Good call – I’ll inbox you my details rather than have them posted for anyone on the internet to see (no offense to those on this forum, just trying to be wise!) I have no previous experience of running a support group of any sort, so am very grateful for your help.
Shalom
Helen

[Anonymous]

Hi Wildgoose,
I can’t say I’ve had that experience, but it sounds very challenging and tough, not stupid at all – it would feel very different if it were for any other reason that you needed the clothes to be non ligature.
I’m glad you were able to find suitable clothes, but a horrible experience to go through.
Do you have a friend or family member who can support you should you need to do anything like this again?
So hard.
Remember to look after yourself too
Shalom
Helen

[Sarah]

Hi Helen,

I’ve found you! Thank you for responding today.
I’ve read through the posts on here so far and feel this forum is vital for those having or had similar experiences of living with someone who has suicidal thoughts. We need to support each other. I’ve felt like a lone voice trying to find support for long enough.
I have experience on a personal level with my daughter and professionally as I work with young people – I would absolutely be onboard to help set up a group or take this subject matter out to all in our communities.
Best Regards to all

Sarah x

[suelum]

My 16 year old son started to self harm about 18 months ago. I tried to get some help but everyone seemed to feel that I was making too much of it and getting help that was useful seemed an impossible task. His dad hasn’t really been in the picture and his older siblings have left home and I knew he was in danger. At weekend he took an overdose. I don’t know how I knew but I just had a bad feeling and found him just as he was slipping into unconsciousness. Luckily prompt treatment has brought him home in one piece. So last nigh I had a chat with him. I expected he would be sorry and grateful but he just tells me he will do it again. I’ve been told to try and get him back to a normal routing as soon as possible but is this still true?

[Anonymous]

Hi Suelum,
my heart goes out to you, what an awful, worrying time for you over your son. I can’t imagine who told you to get him back to a normal routine, and I am no expert, but that seems to be denying what he’s feeling and wanting to do. Have you been given any mental health support for him? Or advice as to how you might support him? From what you say, you are very alone in this? It’s really good that you have talked with him, and the more open you can be with each other, the better – though you may find yourself hearing things you’d rather not hear. Do remember that Papyrus can be a listening ear for both your son and yourself, and they are far more qualified to give guidance and help, but as one parent to another, I’d say, keep talking and keep fighting for him to have the care he needs. He needs to be taken seriously and not brushed under the carpet, so whilst not wanting to frighten you, please, please keep battling for the help he seems to need – don’t be fobbed off!
Stay strong and know that you’re not alone
Shalom
Helen

[Anonymous]

Hi Sarah,
great to have you on board… this is such a vital support as is becoming apparent. Mike and I have spoken about the possibility of setting up something more tangible in addition to this forum, and it would be good to have you in that conversation. Maybe we could get together, (possibly with someone from Papyrus).
Till then, lets keep this forum covered and support one another from a distance
Shalom
Helen

[Sarah]

Hi All,

Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you all and hope things are settled for you.
Take each day as it comes.

Sarah x

[Anonymous]

Thanks Sarah,
it’s hard living with the constant worry of whether something is about to upset the fragile balance of my daughter’s life. Being reminded to take each day as it comes is immensely helpful.
Shalom
Helen

[Anonymous]

Hi Sarah,
I’ve just realised that my last post could be interpreted as being sarcastic, that’s not how I meant it… I genuinely am grateful
🙂
Shalom
Helen

[Anonymous]

Hi all,
I’m aware that there’s been little correspondence on this forum for a few weeks. I’d like to think that it’s because there isn’t the need, but know that sadly, that may not be the case. We’ve been going through a really difficult time and I guess we’re not alone. Do message if sharing helps in any way. We have no formal skills,(though Papyrus do), but are here to carry each other as much as we can through our mutual experience of living with someone who is constantly fighting to live.
Shalom
Helen

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