Living with someone who is suicidal?

Sarah
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:59 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Sarah » Sun Oct 22, 2017 10:18 am

Dear Amandaen

What emotional support is your son getting? Does he recognise he has poor mental health?
Have you spoken to him about why he wants to end his life? Would he speak to Hopeline? Suppose if he feels in a calm place he won't feel he needs to speak to anyone.
The 'addiction' to exercise is deep rooted as you will know and has many complex issues surrounding control, self esteem, self confidence and how others expect us to look and feel. You have so much to deal with, the fear your son feels suicidal, he will cause harm through internet drugs, keeping an eye on him but with the fear he will find out and harm himself because of it. You say you are burying your head but please seek support, talk to a professional, do you have a good relationship with your GP? Do you have someone to turn to?
How do you manage the anorexia? You are a strong person by getting through all of this and take each day one at a time.
You are gaining your sense of control again by running, would you and your son do some form of exercise together?

Please reach out seek support so you can continue to support your son and able to manage your own emotions.

Please keep in touch

Sending you best wishes

Sarah xx

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:39 pm

Thank you all. Another couple of week of ups and downs but I'm generally feeling a little more positive. My son is talking more about his feelings and we have discussed the steroids. He has explained how important his exercise is to him and how important his body image. I haven't removed his steroids but instead we have discussed how I need to know that he is as safe as can be while taking them, so we leave them in a place that he and I can clearly see and he takes one tablet in front of me. I think he needs to know that we are being honest with each other and that he can trust me, otherwise, he will take it all 'underground' again and he won't be able to ask for help or talk as it he will be carrying the weight of a great secret with him, which will only add to his anxiety and pressure. This does all sound like madness but to remove his control at the moment would, I think, be very dangerous. We have found a psychologist who he 'really likes' and he says that he finds it easy to chat with her, so I'm relieved about that. Thanks to all of you - (I had never heard of ASIST before talking on this forum) but I have a place on a course at the end of the month. Looking forward to going would be the wrong expression but I am intrigued and keen to learn as much as I possibly can, so thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

I met a lovely friend last week and told her what had happened over the summer. She has never had any experience of mental illness or knowingly come across it with other friends and family. I initially was upset, hurt and frustrated when she said that 'it was probably a cry for help' when we all know that it is absolutely not an attention seeking activity or adolescent tantrum but a desperate need to escape the inner pain that they face day after day. Instead of then keeping quiet, I explained all that I had learnt to her (sorry, I hope I don't sound pompous) - when I left, she gave me a huge hug and a thanked me so much for talking about mental illness and suicide and that our conversation had completely remodelled the way that she saw things now. I suppose what I'm saying is that on the days and the times, when we have some energy left that talking about whats going on to people who are open to listening is helpful, not only to us but to them too.

Best wishes to you all xxx

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:53 pm

Dear Amandaen,
WOW! You sound so much better than when you last wrote. Talking with your son and building the trust between you about his tablets is a really positive step. It's so good to hear.
I'm really pleased that you've managed to get on an ASIST course. It might not be easy for you, and you might hear things that are hard to stomach (like it's a person's right to take their life), but it will give you tools and confidence to deal with the situation you find yourself in. I found that to some extent it confirmed that what I'd been doing naturally was in fact the best way to deal with a crisis situation.
When you attend the course, don't expect to be doing much in the evenings... you may just need some time to be kind to yourself, so hold that in mind.
The conversation you had with your friend is again very encouraging. You're already talking openly about mental health and suicide issues, explaining to others and not hiding it as a stigma. You certainly deserved that big hug! you're quite right in stating that talking to others helps us as well as them.
I'm personally really encouraged by your message, it helps me know that together we can and will make an impact to help people talk about mental health issues and in particular, suicide. Thank you.
Take care
Shalom
Helen

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Sun Dec 17, 2017 11:03 pm

How's it going for everyone out there?

It's a busy time, but one with lots of pressures, stress and expectations.

Please look after yourselves at the same time as being mindful as to how those who are vulnerable within your family are.

Try to focus on the positive things in life and seek support from friends & family or Papyrus if you need it.

You are of great value and none of us are strong enough to get through life's challenges without help and support.

Take care and have a good Christmas time

Shalom
Helen

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:00 am

Hello! I went on the ASIST course and as some of you warned me, it was completely emotionally exhausting but brilliant. It made me think at a different level about my thoughts of suicide and I do believe it has taught me the tools to significantly help someone who intends to take their own life. The two people running the course were supportive and informative with a little bit of dark humour occasionally to lighten the mood - which was very necessary. They were extremely approachable. One of them was a HopeLine counsellor and I felt reassured that if the other counsellors were like him, when my son rang, that he would be talking to the best possible people.

I was amazed by what happened on the course, when we introduced ourselves and our reasons for being there, all of the other people were there because of their jobs, they were counsellors, worked in housing, etc - but for each and every person suicide had affected their lives on a personal level. It was a very humbling experience and each person in the group was respectful and supportive of everyone else.

Thank you to the person who suggested that I attend the course, I think it was the most powerful 2 days I have ever spent and it has given me the confidence to never be afraid to discuss suicide and to ask the question directly.

I know this is the most difficult time of year for many many people with the expectation of joy and happy families being thrust at us from every angle. I hope that each of your and your loved ones get through this time safely.

Amanda

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Sat Dec 23, 2017 10:30 pm

Hi Amanda,
I'm so pleased that you did the ASIST course, difficult though it is, as I know how much help it can be. It sounds as though you feel quite empowered by it and I guess you will also be encouraging others to go on the course.

Continue to be kind to yourself. Know that you're not alone in your worries and fears for your son, but do what you can to relax and have as good a Christmas as possible.

Shalom
Helen

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:15 am

Hi all,
many of you will already be aware that this is a particularly difficult time for some people, so if you live with someone who struggles, do ask them how they feel and get support if things are too dark for them.
Take care of yourselves too and give a shout if you need to chat / scream / cry with someone!
Shalom
Helen

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:02 pm

Hi there,
it's been a few weeks since I last wrote, and although nobody has written (and that's ok), I know there have been many on here to read and maybe find encouragement.
It's my experience that living with someone who's suicidal is very challenging and tiring. Sometimes something that I would consider to be fairly insignificant becomes like a monster in the mind of my daughter. I have to remember that for her, that is how it is. The constant fight to stay alive is exhausting and so issues that would be small to someone else are huge to her, and issues that are huge in the eyes of most people, are off the scale to her.
You wouldn't know by looking at her, how she fights to stay alive.
She wears a mask, totally aware that people around her find it hard to accept or know how to react to the way she feels. She hides her pain until it gets so intense that she can't hold it any longer and wants to be released from the constant torture of her mind.
So far between us, we've been able to keep her alive, but it's a continual worry that one day I won't be available when she needs me, and alone, she won't have the strength to fight.
I am grateful that there are both the Papyrus Hopeline and Samaritans that she can turn to, and I know that she has, but I also know that the unconditional love and support that I try to give have been significant.
For anyone else on this difficult journey, be encouraged and know that this forum is here to support you in whatever way we can.
This forum is by those living with a suicidal person, for those living with a suicidal person. We are not experts, but are living the experience. Please make contact if you need some support.
Shalom (deep peace)
Helen

amandaen
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:06 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby amandaen » Sun Feb 18, 2018 7:05 pm

Hello! I've not written for ages, to be honest nothing much has changed. Helen your post is so honest and I'm sorry to say but a huge comfort to know that as parents we are not fighting our battles alone, although at times I have never felt so lonely and exhausted. Your story really resonates with me as there are days when my son is trying so hard to 'fit in' and act 'normally' that he is so tired that he sleeps for hours after he has played his role that the other people expect. The frustrating thing I find is that sometimes he 'acts' so well that people who know how ill he is, almost think that he is better and that I'm just exaggerating when I tell them how it really is - sometimes I feel like a liar but we know what is really going on as we are living it with them every day. He has just had his medication changed from an SSRI to an SNRI - the transition is tough but I am hanging on to hope that it helps. I hadn't realised how strong my hope was, until I was talking about possible future plans for when he is feeling better and my daughter said 'do you think he'll get better' - I thought I have to hope with every ounce of strength left in me (not sure this makes sense when I write it down).

So I finish my post with my love and hope for you all and your loved ones, that the days get better and the light appears once again. xxx

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Thu Feb 22, 2018 4:26 pm

Hi Amanda,
I'm sorry that your situation hasn't improved, but glad that you're finding some support through this forum. I trust that others are too.

Having someone in the family who is suicidal is very hard, as fear of loss has to be balanced with trying to have as normal a life as possible. The whole family is impacted as someone's health goes up and down, and I guess that for your daughter, she is desperately wanting things to return to normality, where that 'what if' question is no longer part of every occasion.

Keep holding on to the hope. Hope gives a reason to live and a potential future. Lack of hope is a path we don't want to face. Hope allows us to do things, and try things, and seek answers. It helps each person feel positive. So yes, let's keep looking for that light. Some days it's easier to see than others, but we have to trust that the light and hope are always there... somewhere!
Shalom
Helen

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