Living with someone who is suicidal?

crazzleplus
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Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 6:23 am

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby crazzleplus » Thu Jun 29, 2017 5:53 am

A huge number of Students are waiting for the 10th RBSE 10th Time Table 2018

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:16 pm

This is all very new and raw to me.
I'm here because I feel like I need to talk with others in the same situation.
My 16 yo son made a suicide attempt a week ago.
It came pretty much out of the blue.

How the hell are you guys dealing with this? It is so painful.

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:24 pm

This post struck a note with me.
It is the stupid stuff that gets me too.
Tried to buy a smallish tv for my son who is an informal patient and bored as hell but finding one that you can control without a remote controller is tricky (no batteries allowed on the ward) - especially trying to say what you want to the salesman without explaining why you need it.
I'm looking at everything in our home differently now too

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:29 pm

I've been trying to find a forum like this one for people who have are living with someone who is suicidal but still alive.

Most of them are for people who have been bereaved by suicide - was beginning to feel rather hopeless about it, is that how it always ends?

I think I probably don't want to know the answer to this question but are there always multiple attempts?
I honestly don't know if I can cope with that

Egbam
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Thu Jul 06, 2017 11:11 am

Dear Adrift,
my heart goes out to you. I have to admit, it's a living hell at times, not knowing what might happen.

Finding out that your child has tried to take their life is horrendous, nothing can prepare you for that shock and stress. As you say, you start to view the world in a very different manner.

Whilst it must be so hard to see your son unable to have things we take for granted, it's good to know that he will be getting dedicated support and treatment to help him get through this.

My concern is also with you. Do you have a partner who is supportive? Is there anyone else out there who is helping you?

This forum was set up for just the reasons you mention... I tried to get support for myself and family, but could only find some if the worst happened. I sadly knew that I wasn't the only person who would be in this situation, so it is an attempt to offer something of a mutual support group. The forum is here for you, and I hope that it helps, but I recognise that we're sometimes absent for a while - I'll try and see if I can get alerts to my phone to know if someone has posted, so we can be more support for you. I'll also inbox you a contact number in case you would find it helpful to talk to me - no pressure to use it!

Remember that in this awful situation, there are those who want to help and support you. Through this forum we will do what we can, but don't forget that Papyrus also has qualified staff who are amazing and will happily talk / listen to both yourself and your son.

Please keep us informed as to how you're doing and ask anything you want and we will try to support you in whatever way we can.

Continue to let your son know that you love him and want to support him - he's not doing this to hurt you, though that may be how it feels. If you can, talk with him about how he feels, accepting what he says.

I'll be thinking of you
Shalom
Helen

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Thu Jul 06, 2017 10:37 pm

Thank you Helen for your response and pm
I was at my lowest and in the most amount of pain when I wrote those previous posts.

I had been cleaning my son's room in readiness for him to come home for a weekend break from the ward.

I was having dreadful thoughts going through my head about hard it would be to be in his room if he completed. I realise now that this might be hard to read if your child had completed. Apologies to anyone in that position.

I really was wondering about coping mechanisms though.
- i was trying to keep busy.
- I've been trying to make nice food for my husband and I even though we don't have much appetite.
- I have a folder of note recording who we've spoken with, their roles and contact details and how they might help
- I found comfort in a website that posts "recovery letters" from people who have been depressed and/or suicidal but who are still here to tell the tale http://therecoveryletters.com




What do others find helpful ?

Egbam
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Fri Jul 07, 2017 11:35 pm

Hello Adrift,
I've been there... scared at what might happen. I still have days when it's all too scary, and there have been times when my daughter has been on the edge of making that completion.
I too keep busy, though that's not always the healthy option! I struggle to go away as I worry so much about what might happen in my absence, though desperately need a break.
Your mention of a folder with details, is a good idea, and the website with recovery letters is something I'd not heard of before - thank you, I shall look at that.
I hope you have a really positive time with your son at home, and are able to relax with him there
Shalom
Helen

Adrift
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Adrift » Sat Jul 08, 2017 7:08 am

Helen you're doing an amazing job posting here whilst still going through a tough time with your daughter - thank you for doing this.

Our situation is that we have a settled family life, me and my husband work very well as a team, I don't know how people manage without that support.

It turns out the ward was really not a great place for my son to be. He is on leave with us until his discharge date in 2 weeks.
We are working on getting some support in the community set up as so far he's had no actual therapy.
He did have a psychological assessment Which suggested he doesn't need medication for the depression.

Looks likely that there will be a wait for psychological intervention in the community.

So here we are with all the reasons for his attempt (presumably) still there,
With him feeling worse after a week in a ward of high drama (from the other suffering souls there), and with treatment of any kind a few weeks off at least.

He seems surly and angry with us now in a way that he wasn't before admission.

I kind of don't blame him, he was admitted onto the unit at a weekend with no assessments or therapy available for 3 days - this I guess I'd expect. However No one from there spoke to him about what would be happening to him, no one told him who his named nurse or keyworkers were. He had no distractions in his room (until we got on top of that). He didn't feel comfortable about spending time outside of his room due to how down he was and how the other people on the unit were behaving (nb I'm not blaming them, they were having their own crises).
I'd feel pretty bad if I were put in that position too.

I am extremely apprehensive about the future for our relationship with him, we love him so much and we're at a loss to know how to best support him, on top of not knowing how to keep him safe.

He had come straight from a tier 4 secure ward after a serious attempt on his own life back into our home and he's determined to carry on exactly as before - in no way will he tolerate any amount of monitoring from us.
He went straight out with his mates, although he did come home when he said he would.

There are going to be tough times ahead I'm sure.

Egbam
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:04 pm

Hi Adrift,

sorry for the delay in responding, how are you?

Has the relationship with your son improved since he's been home, has he spoken to you about how he's feeling?

It's hard to know just what has led him to feel that life is not worth living, and to know how best to support him, but don't underestimate the value of your love for him and your willingness to take him seriously.

Whilst I totally understand your desire and need to keep him safe, he also needs to take some responsibility for this. It's not easy to hear, but ultimately it is his choice. You can do everything you can, but he makes daily, often hourly or minute by minute decisions as to whether to continue with life or not. I guess he is feeling pretty mixed up right now, unsure of how others see him, and needing to justify to himself that his recent decisions were well thought through. Part of him is possibly hoping that it's all gone away and he can get back to 'normality', but that may not be possible.

Don't be frightened to ask him if he still feels suicidal. That might sound hard and frightening, but if he is, it's best that you know.

It is an exceptionally hard road to walk, but do all you can to keep the whole family walking the path together - all supporting your son, but supporting each other too. You will need it.

Be assured that you're not alone and there are others, me included, who are here for you.
Shalom
Helen

Egbam
Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Sun Aug 06, 2017 12:48 pm

Today has been difficult. My daughter is in a low place and although she has managed to put her 'mask' on and go to work, it's been a tough morning. I feel so tired, and so worried for her. She is in a vulnerable space and I can't wave a magic wand and make everything better, although I so long to. I see a beautiful person who has had a number of deep hurts; who doesn't find it easy to see her own worth and so doesn't always make good decisions for herself. She is bright and worked so hard to get a degree, doing really well, yet isn't finding the strength to use the knowledge and skills she has. I long for her to recognise and live in the truth that she is an amazing person, who is loved and has much to give to this world. I long for her to be released from the cruel grips of this dark mental state and to live a life free from the pressure of wanting it all to end.

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