Living with someone who is suicidal?

MikeScott
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby MikeScott » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:27 pm

Hi Helen,

Initially, I struggled with how to deal with the whole situation. The constant fear interspersed with bouts of optimism, looking for a solution, mourning for the daughter we had lost (not literally) and carrying on with the rest of life. I think I/we are lucky in that my wife and I are able to be open about our feelings between ourselves, family and friends about the situation.

Regardless I ended up at the GP concerned about anxiety and depression. Fortunately my employer funded a consultation with a Psychiatrist and subsequent Psychological input.

I think there may be some support on the NHS but suspect you will need to be demanding or it's the Samaritans or maybe Papyrus.

My only advice would be to ask for help early if in doubt.

Hope that helps.

Mike

MikeScott
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby MikeScott » Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:51 pm

Hi all,

I wrote a longish response last week and having returned it seems it did not publish???

Helen - In terms of your second paragraph........ thanks but not quite. Easier because, as she is an inpatient, I do not feel responsible for her safety on an hour-to-hour or day-to-day basis. True, it does not make the sadness about how unhappy she can be from time to time any easier.

And in terms of the third paragraph........I think the gist of it was I've been fortunate enough to have some 1:1 Psychiatric and psychological support funded by my employer but I think there is some NHS support out there if you shout loud enough.

The best advice I've had is to remember this is nobodies fault and try and steer clear of attemepting to become your loved one's therapist (and probably your own for that matter).

Regards all,

Mike

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Thu Jan 26, 2017 8:15 am

Hi Mike,
I've been checking for responses to my post for a couple of weeks, and have just found both your replies - sorry I didn't see them earlier.

I have accessed counselling through my work, which was helpful. I might look to have some more soon.

In my experience, the support from the NHS is erratic and reactionary, only lasting a few weeks at a time unless there is a significant attempt on life. An invisible attempt, such as driving dangerously or head banging does not appear to get the same response as cutting or taking pills.

We have not had good experience with doctors, although when we moved to a new area the mental health team were great for a few weeks but just don't have the resources to be a continual support. Therefore it lands back on the family. It's a strain and worry, but we do talk openly and I am working alongside Papyrus to get support and further understanding. I clearly am not shouting loudly enough and will have to be firmer.

I was looking for some sort of support network of people in similar situations. I don't know what it would look like, but think that this is the start of it. We just need to connect with more people who are living with someone who is suicidal. Just having someone who knows what it's like is a great support, so thank you for inputting to this forum.

Shalom
Helen

MikeScott
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby MikeScott » Wed Mar 22, 2017 6:34 am

Hi Helen,

Sort, been missing for a bit.

Any luck with the search for a support network?

Mike

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Sun Apr 02, 2017 6:29 pm

Hi Mike,
glad you're back, are you ok?
Not found a support network, so looking to set something up through Papyrus.
Met another lady yesterday who will hopefully join the conversation and mutual support.
I guess initially we'll be supporting each other as best we can through this forum, but it could evolve into actual meetings in time.
Shalom
Helen

wildgoose
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 6:22 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby wildgoose » Mon Apr 03, 2017 10:30 am

I feel quite overcome as I am new to this site, just to read that you all know how it feels to live with this situation for years has been very moving. My daughter has been trying to take her life for 5 years and has been in and out of hospital since she was 16.
She is currently on section 3 in a hospital in essex which over 7 months has made her worse, the ward she is on is an example of NHS in crisis
I try to enjoy my life and know this is not my fault, I feel guilty when i enjoy myself.

Egbam
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:53 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby Egbam » Wed Apr 05, 2017 9:48 pm

Hi Wildgoose, I'm glad you've made contact, but sorry that you have the need to. I trust that you will feel that this is a safe place to share and be supported?
Living with the continual worry and fear of a loved one taking their life is an incredible strain and can be very isolating, or that's my experience anyway. Accessing the best care seems to be a postcode lottery and I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is not doing well.
Whilst we worry for our loved ones, it is important that we look after ourselves and do what we can to enjoy life, so you really ought not feel guilty when you do things that boost you.
Do keep in contact, and although within this forum we're scattered across the country, we can support one another through messages as best we can.
Shalom
Helen

MikeScott
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby MikeScott » Sat Apr 08, 2017 7:23 am

Hi Wildgoose,

Just to say I agree entirely with Helen. Firstly you will be in no fit state to support you daughter if you get to down and to my mind a key way to avoid that is to appreciate the better times for both you and your daughter. My other strategy is to try and ensure my daughter gets the best support without crossing the line and inadvertently becoming her therapist, someone once told me that my (our) role is to simply be her parent. None of it is our fault, or the sufferer, we can only do our best each day.

Best wishes to you all.

Mike

MikeScott
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby MikeScott » Sat Apr 08, 2017 7:28 am

Hi Helen,

Working with Papyrus sounds good.

I have some previous experience of leading a carer support group for Eating Disorders and would be happy to help.

I wonder if a telephone conference based session might be a cheap and simple starting point.

BFN Mike

wildgoose
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 6:22 pm

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Postby wildgoose » Wed Apr 12, 2017 5:12 pm

Went out shopping today for my daughter today, she needs new summer light clothes in a larger size due to all the side effects of drug regime.
Has anyone else ever had to go shopping like this, not especially worried about price or colour, BUT it had to be non ligature !!
Most joggers were out as they are draw string, so were most pyjamas !
I got so over whelmed with sadness in Primark.
Anyhow if you are looking too, M & S do proper sewn in elastic waists
Its the stupid stuff that gets me.

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