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Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 8:53 am
by keobrad
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Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:31 pm
by Sarah
:roll: I write this as sat on a park bench watching two young children & two dogs wonder around without a care in the world - am I selfish? How would they know this morning I was shouted at, blamed, held totally responsible for the self loathing my daughter feels. Life is too hard, I don't understand, I don't care, I don't listen, I'm not worth talking too. Perhaps at times all the aforementioned are true, the vast majority of times it's the most absurd thing she could shout at me between profanities and self hate responses. It doesn't stop me loving her unconditionally, as I'd say to her to infinity and beyond however it's hard to take, time after time. Friends say she is a polite, beautiful credit to me, which of course she is, they don't have to live with the daily ups and downs, irregularity of emotions, highs (very high) and lows (extreme lows) never middle ground. In the whole I support, reassure, hold, talk, listen, tolerate but today I'm exhausted. Thanks for being there forum xx

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:08 am
by Egbam
Hi Sarah,
your message could well have been my writing this morning after a deeply upsetting time last night. It's so hard when we give all we can (and more) in love and support and affirmation, and then occasionally it gets thrown back in our faces. I too am exhausted. I need a break. But my pain and anguish pale into insignificance at the pain and turmoil of my daughter, that I can only guess at. How hard must it be to have every day as a battle to stay alive? Every day feeling guilt that somehow you're not good enough? Every day feel that what you want is not acceptable, but the strain of putting on the mask to the outside world is too much effort?
I too am grateful for the honesty and support found in this forum. For all those who are finding it too exhausting to live alongside, make sure you take time out to re-charge your batteries, doing something that's life-giving for you.
Sarah, take care and know that you are supported, even if it is from a distance, by others who know what it's like xx

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 1:45 pm
by Sarah
Thank you.
I am so sorry to hear you too are having a tough episode again. I really hope today brings a more positive mindset for her and indeed you! The emotional surcharge it takes to deescalate and just listen when the meltdowns happen is unexplainable to those who don't have such challenges within their world, yes we will manage and get through each day as we see the hurt, despair, desperation, hatred our daughters feel and I totally agree when you say they feel try they are 'not good enough' as this phrase is spoken at each and every episode. She can't, won't, not good or clever enough to achieve! I so wish they would see how absolutely proud us Mothers are of them by everything they have already achieved when fighting their demons, how beautiful and adored they are and how regardless we will be here for them. Anyway we continue to reassure and hope they beat this eposode. We have each other on here from afar to keep each others strength, only we know how we feel.
Speak soon, and take care too. Stay safe.
Hugs xxx

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:04 am
by Egbam
I'm aware that there are many reading this forum who are not writing posts. That's fine and I hope you find it helpful. Please do write if you would like to and let us support each other - we're not experts, just seeking ways to keep going and help out loved ones. In my case it's my daughter who is suicidal, but it could be anyone. If you are in a similar situation, don't struggle on alone,

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 9:57 am
by amandaen
My son attempted suicide in the summer. I just can't 'move on', I can't get the constant worry out of my head, it just goes around and around. Even though I try to keep busy, my fear is constantly there. I can't enjoy the good days because I don't know when the day is going to implode, which as you know, can happen at a moments notice. Theres things I want to talk to him about but I'm frightened of how he will react. I'm walking on egg shells constantly and am utterly exhausted. Ive only just discovered Papyrus - I know none of you can make it better, but its a huge relief to know I'm not alone and that someone understands.

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 5:52 am
by Anisha
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Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 4:38 pm
by Egbam
Hello amandaen,

My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you've found us, though sorry that it's such a worrying situation you find yourself in.

Those of us who are on this forum page are mainly parents like yourself, trying to get through each day, and helping one another with encouragement and any support we're able to give. I hope you'll find it a safe space to be honest and share how you are.

I can only guess at how you're feeling right now, but want you to know that we care. Sometimes we can feel so isolated, but I want you to know that you are heard and are not alone. Many of us live with similar tensions to yourself and know the eggshells and exhaustion that go with the fears that we will lose our loved one.

One thing I've learnt, through Papyrus and also through ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) is the need to ask direct questions. You are having trouble knowing what to say to your son for fear of saying the wrong thing, but all evidence suggests that direct questions that can't be misunderstood, are the most helpful. If you're worried about whether your son is still feeling suicidal, ask him. If he says 'No', you can breath a little easier. If he says 'yes' then you have the potential to talk together about what help he might seek.

You don't mention whether you and he are getting any help, but don't hesitate to reach out for support. Your GP, or the local mental health services should be able to advise you as to what is available for his age (you don't mention whether he's a young person or adult) in the area.

In all the worry and fear, it is vital that you look after yourself. If you care for yourself then you will be in a better place to help your son.

If you want to share further, or talk to one of us, then do direct message or reply on this page.

Take care and remember that we're here for you

Shalom (deep peace)

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:07 pm
by Sarah
Dearest Amandaen

Firstly welcome to the forum, I mirror what Egbam (Helen) has written that this is a safe place to express openly and honestly as we all too share similar experiences. The forum can be used in this context to generally offload, debrief, rant, be angry basically express any emotion that your situation makes you feel as we all understand you will feel a whole variety of emotions but underlying most of them is our arch enemy of guilt. As parents we feel guilty we didn't pick up earlier signs of struggle, an innate sense/intuition that our loved one was in so much internal pain they feel there are no alternatives, we bear the guilt of not being able to ever take the thought of suicide away from them and as always the anger and guilt of even feeling guilty as it is all about how our loved one is feeling not us!

Secondly, I want you to know you are in my thoughts (and in no doubt others on the forum). I understand how 'high alert' you must be feeling, how do you ever let that go - this is your son, always your child in this painful, situation.
The thoughts are exhausting you! I too am a trained ASIST (Applied suicide intervention skills training) caregiver and the most powerful thing you can do to any person in this situation is to be open. Asking the direct uncomfortable question 'are you feeling suicidal' is paramount. You sound similar to me (forgive me if I'm wrong) but I cannot even begin to let go of any situation until they have been addressed with the person so although the eggshells will be present, carefully start to move them aside by directly addressing them, don't be afraid to say you care and love him so much you want to try to understand his internal thoughts and want to support him.

Lastly, you too need to be safe, your emotional well-being is vital and I totally understand that the situation will be taking its toll on you. Reach out and seek the support you need!!

Amandaen, be kind to yourself - you are not alone.

Please do contact the forum again or PM if more preferable to talk more about you, your son - anything.

Sending support and hugs through the forum to you.........
I hope to connect again soon

Best Regards and Wishes

Sarah xx

Re: Living with someone who is suicidal?

Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 6:32 pm
by amandaen
Dear All Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it and how much it means to know I'm not alone.

The main problem at the moment is that my son is 'addicted' (his words) to working out at the gym. I know how much exercise helps with mental health problems and if he has had a 'good session' he is very upbeat. However, I was aware during the summer that he was trying to buy some steroids online (I do check his emails, although he doesn't know). I have recently found that he has succeeded and he has hidden them. I don't know where he has got the money from as he has no access to any bank accounts. He doesn't know that I know he has steroids and I am terrified of mentioning it to him. I don't want him to know that I check his room and his emails, as I know once his trust has gone in me, I will never get it back. So I am in a dilemma. I worry greatly how these dreadful steroids will affect his head/hormones/body yet I realise that at the moment he feels in control and so is in a calmer place and is more content. I used to suffer with anorexia (I suppose I still do, as it never goes away) and so do understand that the need for control is huge and the panic if someone made me eat or took away my exercise would make me panic and I would get very depressed. When he attempted suicide in the summer, it was directly after I opened a package which contained steroids which he had managed to buy. At the moment I'm burying my head in the sand, in fear of upsetting him again and him taking another attempt at his life. I just need to add, that his wish to die was not just from the summer but has been lingering for about 4 years. He is 17 years old and has been on fluoxetine for around 6 months now. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Thank you for the support and advice to look after myself too - I've taken up running - which really helps, when I'm doing it I'm so busy trying to put one foot infront of the other and to breathe that for that brief time, I can't worry - somedays I feel like running all day!!!