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To download and print a pdf version of 'Not Just
A Cry For Help', Click
here.
Fersiwn Cymraeg yma.
HOPELineUK
for information and practical advice.
Phone 08000 68 41 41
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If
you are concerned about the mental well-being of
a young person.
• Listen to what they say, don't be judgmental.
Say that you love them and care about them, no matter
what. Give them a hug! Raise their self-esteem.
• If they won't talk to you, maybe they would
talk to a friend or sibling, or perhaps write down
how they feel. Re-assure them that this happens
to others.
• Encourage them to go to the GP or counselling
service if there is one. Offer to go with them.
Remind them that confidentiality is taken seriously.
• If they are living away encourage them to
come home for a visit or go to see them yourself.
This will then give you an opportunity to assess
the situation.
Be clear there are
always options:-
For example, if they are at University:
• Leave the course for good.
• Have a break from the course and defer a
year.
• Change to a university nearer home.
• Leave higher education either for good or
pick it up at a later point.
(These suggestions are based on the experience of
PAPYRUS members, but you should always seek professional
advice if you are concerned about your child.)
What if the young person is thinking of harming
themselves?
Not Just A Cry For Help
Knowing that someone we care about is feeling suicidal
can be emotionally and physically draining. It is
important to look after your own health and to make
time to get support and advice for yourself too.
You are not alone
Attempted suicide is far more common than most of
us realise. In England and Wales, more than 140,000
people are admitted to accident and emergency departments
each year because they have tried to kill themselves.
Although most people who attempt suicide survive,
a few remain at high risk of taking their own life
for quite some time afterwards. This means that
any suicide attempt, however minor it seems to be,
should be taken seriously.
Why did it happen?
Thinking about suicide
Suicidal thoughts can coincide with times of change
- whether these changes are 'good' (like getting
married or starting a new job), or 'bad' (such as
someone dying or the end of a relationship). Quite
often two or three different things will have happened,
each of them causing considerable stress.
For some people there may be no apparent reason
for these thoughts.
The circumstances leading up to a suicide attempt
are different for everybody, and the reasons for
it happening may never be fully explained or understood.
Often those who think about suicide are depressed.
Usually very sensitive people, they may have been
in despair, feeling hopeless about the future and
unable to think straight. Everyday worries have
become totally out of proportion, and black thoughts
may have left no room for anyone or anything else.
Acting on the thought
Turning thoughts about suicide into action is sometimes
done on impulse, perhaps following an event that
is seen as 'the last straw'. This is especially
true of young people.
Others, however, may have been making plans about
suicide for some time.
Using alcohol and/or other drugs can make things
worse. They take away the inhibitions which would
otherwise stop someone from attempting to take their
own life.
It's hard to talk…
about fears and feelings - even to those we know
love and care about us. This can prevent other people
from recognising the distress and being able to
help in a crisis.
Words are often totally inadequate to convey the
amount of pain a person may be suffering.
It is easy to understand that someone is hurting
if they have been badly injured or are physically
ill. Emotional pain cannot be seen, but it can be
just as unbearable.
Sometimes attempting suicide may be the only way
to show other people how bad things are.
'When your back is up against the wall, suicide
can seem to be the only way out.'
What can be done to
help?
Do keep 'ALERT'…
Ask them how they were feeling before it
happened and how they are feeling now. Talking about
suicide does not make it more likely to happen.
Try to be patient if they are angry or refuse to
talk. It may be that writing things down is an easier
way for them to communicate with you.
Listen - this
is the most important thing you can do.
Treat them with respect, and try not to be judgmental
or critical.
Empathise by showing that you really are
trying to understand things from their point of
view. Words don't always matter. The touch of a
hand or a hug can go a long way to show that you
care.
Reassure them that desperate feelings are
very common and can be overcome. Things can and
do change, help can be found and there is hope for
the future. People do get better !
Try to give practical support, and help them
to cope with any extra pressures. It may not be
possible to deal with all the things that are troubling
them, but between you agree on what you will do
if a suicidal crisis happens again.
…and DON'T…
Put them down or do things that might make
them feel worse. A suicide attempt suggests that
self-esteem is already very low.
Abandon or reject them in any way. Your help,
support and attention are vital if they are to begin
to feel that life is worth living again. Don't relax
your attentions just because they seem to be better.
It doesn't mean that life is back to normal for
them yet. They may be at risk for quite a while.
Nag - although it may be well meant. Nobody
wants to be pestered all the time. Don't intrude
- try to balance being watchful with a respect for
privacy.
Ignore what has happened.
Criticise their actions - however you may
be feeling about their suicide attempt, try to remember
the pain and turmoil that they were, and may still
be, going through. Don't take their behaviour personally
- it was not necessarily directed at you.
Help from services
There are many ways in which health workers, social
services staff and others can help someone who has
attempted suicide. The staff in the hospital accident
and emergency department may make a referral, or
the family doctor can be asked to do this.
Treating depression: suicidal feelings may be linked
to being depressed. Depression is a serious illness
but can be successfully treated by anti-depressant
medication and/or 'talking and listening treatments'.
Further information about depression and its treatment
can be obtained from Depression
Alliance.
Extra help in a crisis
If you feel that the situation is getting worse
rather than better, and you are worried about another
suicide attempt, trust your instinct and share your
concerns straight away. Contact the family doctor,
or any professional who has been involved already.
These people cannot discuss confidential details
with you, but they will want to listen to what you
are saying and they can follow it up.
HOPELineUK
HOPELineUK
is a PAPYRUS telephone service providing support,
information and practical advice to anyone concerned
that a young person they know may be at risk of
suicide. Phone 08000 68 41 41
HOPELineUK
was launched on 9th September 2005 and is
staffed by trained professionals who can discuss
your needs in coping with someone who is feeling
suicidal.
Our staff have access to a comprehensive database
and can give you contact details of other sources
of help should they be required.
The helpline is open on weekday evenings from 7pm
- 10pm and during the weekends from 2pm - 5pm.
We also operate a callback service. If the helpline
is busy or if you need to call outside our opening
hours you can leave a message on the answer machine
and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
YoungMinds
is the national charity committed to improving the
mental health of all children. Services include
the Parents’ Information Service, a free,
confidential telephone helpline offering information
and advice to any adult with concerns about the
mental health of a child or young person. The free
telephone number is 0800 018 2138
The helpline is open at the following times:
Monday and Friday: 10am - 1pm;Tuesday and Thursday:
1pm - 4pm; Wednesday 1pm - 4pm and 6pm - 8pm.
Plus, they also produce leaflets and booklets for
adults and young people. These are available on
their website.
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